I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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