New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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