i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
