Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
