I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
