I've blown a few things in my day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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