It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
