she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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