Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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