I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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