i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
