All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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