evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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