i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
