i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate your face
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
