Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
