I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
