I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
