my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
