1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
