We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
