You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
