i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
