i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
