Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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