girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
