The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize