He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
