dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're too hungover to prance.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
