I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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