you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
