dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
