I wish I could teleport
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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