Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
