One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
