dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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