So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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