He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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