it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
