I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
