tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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