peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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