This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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