May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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