At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
