I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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