she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize