I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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