i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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