How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
