You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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