My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
