omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
