You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
