Soap is not a condiment
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
