Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
