you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
