about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
