two words: eviction party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
