I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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