Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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