she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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