Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
