I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
