the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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