My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
