Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
