I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
