its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize