eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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